Best of negotiation: Q&A

If you had the opportunity to ask any question on the topic of negotiation, which questions would you ask?

These were the choices of a group of Bulgarian top-performers in the financial sector:

The best negotiation strategy…

…takes into consideration ones´ goals, but also the interest of both parties, the relative strengths of the negotiation partner, the human needs of influencers and deciders not present at the negotiation table, the expectation effect for future encounters and the relationship level, among a heap of other factors.

When negotiating in a culturally diverse world …

…one has to negotiate the basic understanding first, i.e. what do negotiation partners expect from the process and how do they want to come to a decision. This is inherently more difficult than staying in one´s own culture, since communication clues on all levels (body language, intonation) as well as deeply rooted beliefs (power and thus decision structure, risk averseness, implicitness) have to be taken into account.

To give a very simple example: In one of the last negotiations with an Indian counterpart my client was very disturbed by the fact that woman in question shook her head whenever he argued something. For him, it was like a constant rebuttal. “She is not even listening to my arguments!” was the message my client was getting.

Only after a short recess and my explanation that in that part of India shaking one´s head was equivalent to nodding in France and meant “Yes, I understand, go on…” was he open to concentrate on the issues again.

Negotiations are (not) …

Since we enter negotiations every time we want others to do, think or believe something different then they would without our influence negotiation are all about the art of reaching goals and wielding influence on others. Hence, negotiations are as complex as human interaction can be.

Is there an “unique” negotiation strategy, independent on the different cultural backgrounds…

There are “unique” expressions of feelings that are the same in all cultures, e.g. happiness (corners of the mouth up), sadness (corners of the mouth down), disgust (nose wrinkles), but that is about all that is common.

Since negotiation partners pursue different goals, value different principles and go about differently when achieving objectives, an optimal strategy has to adapt to the situation and the people involved. It certainly helps to know many different strategies and I have developed a “Master strategy” in my book “The Master Negotiator”. However, it involves elements of different strategies and becomes effective by changing the strategy each time to fit the intricacies of the negotiation.

Your vivid  example for a challenging and successful situation in negotiations…

I´ve experienced that people find it most challenging and difficult to either negotiate with family (e.g. on how to organize the transfer of a business from one generation to the next), on their own behalf like selling your time and asking for honorary fees (see my German report) or when they want to achieve the objective so badly that they don´t really mind the cost (e.g. they want the job no matter what).

All these situations are challenging, but can be overcome with the focus on the right points and dedication to put time and thought into it. Good negotiators consistently try to enhance their understanding of the process and analyze what works and what can be improved. You can also do this by following my blog here

Some time ago I accompanied a client who faced the situation that he had charged different prices for the same product in different national markets mainly due to diverging purchasing power. When (corporate) purchasers started to organize and exchange information they found out that one (poorer) client had received the product at considerable lower costs. The situation was very difficult and while some buyers did accept the differences and explanation, other insisted to demand the lowest price for themselves.

After several rounds of negotiations we reached a stand-off. It was considered impossible by everyone that we could solve the situation since the poorest buyer would not pay more and contributed a decisive revenue. We decided to do what no one thought thinkable and what never had been done before: the product was pulled out of the cheapest market. The revenue fell, but the argumentative basis for our opponents was demolished. In the short-term my client had to sacrifice considerable revenue, but after not too long the margins worked out and showed in the profit and share price.

Sometimes you can´t budge difficult decisions and you have to take the risk. But as they say: no risk – no gain (and also no fun, of course).

In order to develop our negotiation skills… 

you should have a look through the different negotiation theories, work on your options and communication as well as argumentation and listening skills and, in general, identify the 6 core strengths mirrored in the blocks of the Master Negotiator Curriculum.

There is a complimentary video available on those strengths here (middle of the page).

To really play in the top-league plan and take the time (minimum 1 day per year) to actively train and and get intensive feedback from professionals as well as people that you don´t know and won´t see again. I developed a format for exactly with the 1/2 day Negotiation Sparring.

If possible, also get a Ghost Negotiator who reviews difficult situations with you and helps you develop into a Master Negotiator.

Negotiation lessons you can learn from your cat

As workshop participant or blog reader you know what I am referring to when speaking about the “shark”, the “bear” or the “cat” as negotiation types. The readers of my bestselling “Master Negotiator” even have a drawing in their book:

Master Negotiator Cat

My Master Negotiator Assuad

All the characteristics of this negotiation type and how to handle him are described there.

Today I want to share with you some final thoughts regarding my inspiration for the type “cat” and one of my personal “Master Negotiators”, my real cat Assuad. By his behavior he (a tomcat, and I can´t bring myself to say “it”) gave me ideas and the possibility to observe from first hand experience how to obtain pretty much everything you want and still become your best friend. So it seems only fair enough to honor him now he has gone from me for good.

As Master Negotiator he sure got a good deal out of life. I mean, he did get good food (and ever more of it), had a warm house and was sheltered and cared for every moment in his life. As companion of a writer and expert doing a lot of reading and research at his home office he enjoyed every new idea for my new books and articles, every new exercise for a workshop first. Many a thought that people would later applaud to in my speeches had he helped develop by his mere presence and listening skills. Cat owners among will confirm that he really was listening, just pretending to be sleeping at my table, which you could verify by his sudden comments and the fact that would have no qualms leaving at once if my performance was too long, monotone or otherwise not exciting enough (not bound by any idea of politeness).

There was a lot to negotiate, from the amount and the times of food over who would be allowed to sleep at what place to how long I could stay out of the house without having him complain bitterly on my return. As particularly difficult I remember the negotiations over who I should rather play with and pay attention to, my children or him. Of course he solved it like a Master in the end as he would sit on the most interesting peace of action so everyone would play with him.

He was perfect in ensuring he would never be perceived as an adversary to anyone (ok, there were times when he woke me up 4 in the morning to prepare food which came close to hating him, but was made up for by sitting  next to the food bowl enjoying a still moment together in the dark).

Regarding give & take I admit I did buy and pay his food, medicine, cat litter, toys and various treats and other things with nothing material coming in return. Still, he gave me something much more valuable: his love, his understanding, his time, warmth and affection. Many people seem to think that (negotiation) relationships are about the exchange of physical, material things only. This is the Zeitgeist and might sometimes make sense for short term relationships (e.g. buying a house).

The real Master Negotiator Cat

However, negotiation relationships are also a way of relating and bonding with each other, opportunities to share our understanding of this world, this temporary universe for all of us. Understanding negotiations this way would make it so much easier to learn from each other and closing negotiations not only with a practical result, but with the warm feeling inside we sometimes are allowed to take away from a good open chat or a conflict solved respectfully . Equally, a negotiation partner who will be ready to sharing your success and failure as a partner, as compared to winning at your cost, is what you should be looking for in life.

What I will be missing so much is my cats capacity to share my joy and excitement as well as my sadness and bad times. Assuad would be there with me and share those feelings, thereby doubling my joy and splitting my sadness. After all, we are social animals and sometimes seem to have lost that basic quality in life. It is not about the end (which always will be death, for all of us), but the way to get there.

I will never have the chance to negotiate anything with you again, Assuad, my personal Master Negotiator. But I will remember you and the lessons you allowed me to learn from you. Always.

Rest in peace, my beloved cat. I will miss you and our daily negotiations terribly.

How to negotiate with terrorists from other cultures

medienberichte-kripoonlineEspecially in reference to recent developments around Syria and the Middle East, we are bombarded with questions about the international events and caveats in negotiations with intercultural context.

The following interview published by the magazine Kriminalpolizei (Criminal Investigation Department – CID) provides some answers on this complex issue:

 

CID: What is the difference between negotiations in business and hostage negotiations involving the police – it is the fact that the police has less time to prepare for a negotiation partner?

Dr. Stefan Amin Talab: This need not be the case. Recently, the police overpowered a man in Australia after thorough preparation. The perpetrator was known throughout the city and had taken hostages in a supermarket. The police knew the man could not be calmed down from his intense emotional state by means of negotiations only. He would only respond to a massive police operation. The police staged a completely exaggerated showing – surrounded him with hundreds of black masked men while police helicopters were circling. They made clear the hopelessness of the situation to the delinquent. He surrendered promptly.

In this case the police has had an essential piece of information, exploited that, adjusted and acted exactly right.

A major difference – in respect to its impact on the negotiations – is that the police are always under the eyes of the public and will be closely monitored. This raises the difficulty level. When a company representative behaves awkwardly in sales negotiations the public will learn nothing about it – especially not during the time of negotiations. The police have an audience already during the negotiation process.

If, for example, the excessive use of police resources in Australia is not explained concomitantly, the police gets a massive problem.

CID: What do you assess to be the most difficult thing to hostage negotiations?

Talab: The unpredictability. These are always situations that permit no standard recipe. Therefore, it is important for the police that they will be given the necessary space and reliance.

CID: In your opinion, what are the most important qualities needed by a negotiator?

Talab: Josh Weiss, a negotiation trainer of the NYPD once put it aptly: In the selection of his staff, he explicitly did not care if someone could talk – he paid particular attention to the fact if someone could listen. This is probably the most important quality: to listen and adapt to your opponent, recognize his fears and compulsions and to know how he thinks and may act.

Secondly: Negotiators are no lone fighters, they are necessarily team players. This is related to the first point. A single warrior can hardly adjust to others. A team player must listen. To give an example, it must not disturb the chief negotiator to bring coffee to a busy colleague.

CID: Do you believe an Austrian unrelated to the Palestinian World could negotiate with a Palestinian terrorist?

Talab: Never. I myself am half Syrian half Austrian and therefore know the differences in thinking. It would not make sense, for example, to allow a female police officer to negotiate with a Palestinian terrorist.

This is already quite impossible given the different languages.

The American movie “The Negotiator” is about a criminal case with a negotiation situation. In one scene, one of the protagonists in the German translation says: “You must listen to me now.” In German this really means “you’re not listening to me.”

I watched the DVD at this point in the English version, and it really says “I need you listening to me”. This is much softer than “You must listen to me.”

We know from school that literal translations – no matter what language – usually go wrong. In an emotionally tense situation, as it is a hostage negotiation, this can be fatal.

CID: What would you advise the police in such a case?

Talab: In hostage negotiations with people from other cultures they should necessarily employ somebody from the same cultural environment or at least has lived very long in it.

As someone who has half Syrian roots I know, for example, that I touch somebody emotionally by talking about his father. An Austrian hostage take might say “I do not care what my father thinks of me”. For a Syrian this would have a completely different dimension, as a father has a very different status.

CID: You write in your book negotiators should always consider alternative outcomes. What alternatives does the police have – except the unconditional surrender of a hostage-taker?

Talab: In the end she has no alternative – but at the path to the goal, there are always a number of forks in the road. For example you can try to free sick or old people first. You may possibly offer a reduction in the criminal charge – as a concession in the negotiations.

CID: Are there “negotiation tricks” that could apply the police also ?

Talab: Of course there are. But they are not as striking as many would wish, and they are always situational. Think of the case in Australia: Another hostage-taker might have started to shoot hostages if the police would be deployed in such a contingent form.

It’s like running : As a principle you can recommend to breathe deeply in a marathon. But that does not apply to the final sprint or for an overtaking maneuver. Similarly, one can recommend for negotiations to build trust as a general principle. But that does not apply to each and every negotiator. For a given type, it may be more effective to position yourself clearly as the sovereign.

 

Master Negotiator #1 Bestseller

I am stunned and happy that my Master Negotiator book is featuring #1 in the Category Negotiation Books at www.Amazon.de. Now two of our Masterbooks are in the pole positions #1 and #2. The second place is held by our (German) book Meistermediator.

Ipad Screenshot

Negotiation tactics taken from Winston Churchill

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 – 1965), British politician and Premier for the UK from 1940-1945 and 1951-55 and nobel price laureate 1953, is said to have been a Master of a very specific negotiation technique.

A deadly mixture between fait accompli (establishing and presenting circumstances that can´t be changed unilaterally by the negotiation partner) and salami tactics are employed to extract small concessions, that are expanded in the course of further negotiations.

This tactic is based on a universally valid strategy of persuasion: The inherent need for consistency of each human being, the wish to bring order and harmony into ones perceptions, beliefs and actions.

Put into action, it works like this:

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Lady: My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose so, generally speaking.
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Lady: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.

Trapped.

Anniversary Hungarian office

5 years ago … we decided to open a small office in Hungary to express our long-lasting interest in the CEE area and business with all the countries from Poland over Russia to Turkey.

It has also become a place to turn to in order to rethink strategies and personal development for leaders who need a break from their day-to-day grinding problem solving activities. After all, how often do you take 1-2 full days away from pretty much everything and engage a Coach to help you proactively structure and plan for your own future and the future of your organization?

Invitation: To celebrate our presence in 9200 Mosonmayaróvár, Magyar utca 19/1 we are having a reception with some drinks and breadrolls on June, 15th, 2013 in the late afternoon. If you are interested to see our premises or just have a chat with us, drop us an e-mail and come by. We love to hear from you!

Coaching facilities

 

If you don´t find time that particular day but would like to know what we can offer with Executive Coaching or Ghost Negotiating or Negotiation Sparring, simply contact us anytime. We´ll find a convenient time and place.

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